Connecting With Your Kids

How Fast Families Can Move from Chaos to Closeness

A Book Review

By Linda Wakefield Kelley

When I read the title of the book Connecting With Your Kids -- How Fast Families can Move from Chaos to Closeness, by Timothy Smith, I was excited about the lessons I might glean from the pages for our family. Honestly I didn’t find the book to be as helpful as I thought it might be.

One reason I didn’t connect with Connecting With Your Kids more is because while we may occasionally border on chaos, our family is extremely close. Maybe it’s because we homeschool. Maybe it’s because we spend most of our free time together. Maybe it’s because I’ll let the housework slide and choose to sit and watch a movie with my kids instead (which admittedly can be a little frightening for visitors).

Bottom line—our busyness hasn’t had any adverse effects on our family that I can see. Connecting With Your Kids is aimed at those who have become addicted to speed (life in the fast lane) and an intervention is needed. If that’s you, this book will be helpful.

How have your children come to be so involved? Is it your desire or theirs? This is an area Mr. Smith discusses complete with examples. Our children have chosen the busyness for themselves. We haven’t forced it on them. My oldest is not interested in athletics so he hasn’t joined lots of teams. But, he has his own interests, friends, and flurry of activity. My other two children are involved in sports. They, however, came to us and said, “Mom, I want to take diving lessons,” etc. Perhaps if we were causing the busyness and our children weren’t enjoying the intense level of activity we would have more of a problem. I’ve certainly known parents who want their child to achieve success in a sport or at school even more intensely than the child does. That's definitely not a good situation.

Timothy Smith defines four types of people in Connecting With Your Kids. He calls the categories “heartprints.” They describe the pace at which you enjoy living life. They are cruisers, walkers, runners, and biathletes. Information is given on how to identify which heartprint your child is and advice is rendered on how to parent that type of child. There is also a section on how to connect with the various heartprints in your family. People who love these types of personality groupings will love this part of the book.

I really don’t like personality typecasting. I feel we are all snowflakes, uniquely designed by God. I’m not a beaver, a lion, sanguine, or any of the other categories out there. But, I may be a mix of all of them. My husband and I had to take a personality test when we went to PRE-marital counseling. It turned out we were both the same personality type (pretty funny because we’re a lot alike in some ways and so NOT in others). The minister laughed and said he wasn’t sure how that would turn out! I really tried to figure out which heartprint my children and I were. Just couldn’t do it (which is usually how it works for me).

All that aside. . .If busyness is keeping you from developing solid family bonds, if your family is under-connected, or if speeding along the fast lane is robbing you of enjoying life, Connecting With Your Kids can definitely help. I like the specific examples Timothy Smith gives for connecting with your family. I’m going to use the candlelight dinner (not just for your hubbie, but for the whole family) idea. Also, each chapter has parent to parent (useful for a bible study or book club setting) and parent with child discussion questions to create a stronger family connection. There is a helpful appendix which gives suggestions for how to spend family “hang-time” as well as how to use the book in a group setting.

If you're feeling a family disconnect, Connecting With Your Kids might just prevent your kids from giving you the old "hang-up, dial-tone, good-bye" routine.

Timothy Smith is a family coach, speaker, and president of Life Skills for American Families as well as the author of several books.

Disclaimer: This book was provided free of charge from Mind and Media in exchange for my honest review. If you are interested in reviewing Christian products, please contact Stacy Harp at Mind and Media.

Go beyond Connecting With Your Kids and read my other reviews!